GUILT!!!
by Bob Withrow
It is said that there is one difference between Catholics and Jews: Jews were born with guilt, while Catholics learned it from the nuns. Queers have certainly been burdened with it from day one and we have raised it to the level of high art. It is the mother of all words, and its daughter, shame, is not to far behind. A friend of mine was telling me he was visiting one of those chat rooms when someone wanted to go "private" with him. "Private" means to talk on the computer without the world listening in. It seems the poor fellow wanted to go on and on about sex and the resultant guilt. My friend was wondering what kind of kinky, animal driven sex was soooo bad that this poor, tortured soul was driven to the wall with guilt. The truth finally came out.......masturbation. Often seen as simply a physical release by many straights, masturbation has also become high art among most gays.
We have been told by society since we were toddlers that gay was wrong and it was somehow our fault that that we have "those" feelings. If, as an infant, we discover pleasure in touching our cocks, our hands are often slapped away by our mothers and we are told we are "bad." Little did she know that we learned to associate pleasure with pain and looked forward to her punishment. See, mother made you into the leatherman that you are. When we wanted to play with Billy next door, there were usually parents around to make sure we didn't play WITH Billy. Fortunately, sometimes we were able to play WITH and explore Billy and he us.
But it (faggotry) wasn't talked about at home. However, it certainly was talked about at school. Naturally all of us wanted to become men, or at least have one (note the intense interest about the onset of pubic hair), but you couldn't become a real man if you act like a fag or homo. Remember trying to affect a very deep voice when your friends made fag jokes, and hoping your voice wouldn't crack. And the advertising! All of that heterosexuality and (gasp) heteroeroticism reminding us we are different. Guilt! Guilt! Guilt!
Oh yes. But we do know how to use guilt. Just ask my partner. Sometimes we swap guilt as if it is the coin of the realm. I just remind my lover how much I slave for him and how much I look out for his needs to the detriment of mine. The secret is not to let the object of your guilt to get a word in edgewise. Otherwise, he might turn the tables. We're great at giving guilt but we are often vulnerable to receiving it. Since we are, stereotypically, not violent, guilt is a great weapon.
Remember, we've experienced a lifetime of guilt trips but we don't have to take them again. Honey, it's time to send someone else on one of those guilt trips. We're not bad. We're very good and nowadays when we are bad we are exceptionally good. We're not something less then men, as our coaches told us (now there is another whole article) but rather we are supermen and superstuds. Practice guilt often so you become expert but rarely use it as a weapon. When you do have to use guilt as a weapon, don't let up and never, never allow an opening. Go, girl!
Bob Withrow is a local writer based in Olympia